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 HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS 
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Exorcist wrote:
Women who piss and moan about advertising setting unrealistic expectations for women/being exploitative, but who also see zero issue with how advertising for men does the exact same thing.


With those women, I ask them why it's OK for the male characters on TV sitcoms to always be portrayed as complete idiots and the butt-end of all the jokes, and the women are always the smart and reasonable ones. Then I demand fairness because men are not stupider than women.

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As a true metalhead for almost 30 years, my patience for goofballs of your ilk has become dangerously low...You have no clue what heavy metal is and need to shoot yourself in the face.


16 Dec 2013, 12:56
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Please excuse the length of this post.

My on again, off again relationship is just fucked. I am dating someone considerably younger than me who has a lot of difficulty treating me with maturity and respect sometimes. I pretty much prioritize her over anything, and very much aim to make her as happy as I can, but it seems like nothing is ever good enough for her. I am starting to think that because she doesn't have any consequential ammo on me, that she latches onto any minor bullshit she can in an effort to justify her own immature behavior. I am talking ANYTHING - leaving the toilet seat up, forgetting to refill her Brita filter... just absurdly minor stuff. Meanwhile, she is often very cruel and malicious to me, insults me, criticizes my life choices, makes me out to feel like a failure, lambasts me alone AND in front of others, and is wildly hypocritical at times. She'll get mad about me being affectionate with her, but whenever we are at social gatherings she gets very touchy feely with me and expects me to lavish attention upon her and ignore everyone else.

On top of all this... as I said, she's pretty young. She has not really had much experience in relationships. I have a feeling her impression of what a relationship is supposed to be is based largely in fiction. She'll cycle through all this fucked up, unreasonable behaviour, and then say things like "I don't deserve you, why don't you just dump me, etc." and apologize to me, then do the same shit again. I try to explain to her that her actions are within her control and that it's her responsibility to behave in a way that she can respect and won't regret, and it's like she just tunes me out. She constantly provokes fights and arguments and then throws up her hands and is like "we ALWAYS fight". Girl, you are the one sabotaging this! I am literally just silently taking her shit for hours and days upon days. How did I get myself involved in this situation? Why is it that people don't understand that they are responsible for their own actions, and others aren't to blame for their negative attitudes?

Here is the real doozy... I am back in school now, and barely able to support myself with part-time work. I have lived an unconventional life, so to speak, leaving high school, working and doing music journalism, and focusing on creative endeavours. I do not regret any of this. It is what has brought me to the position where I have a somewhat clear idea of the direction I want to go, and without my life experience, I would not be here. When I look back on the last ten years, it's been a nutty ride to say the least, and I'm thankful for it, even though in some respects it has not been the most direct road to financial stability or success. She jumped into a university program right out of high school that she hates, and doesn't really have a clear idea of what she wants to do or what her passions are, yet she CONSTANTLY criticizes me as if I am a failure and I've thrown my life away. Her conception of what is important in life is pretty different from mine - she seems to think that I would be better off if I was stuck in a shitty job that I hate, and did the conventional route towards lifelong unhappiness like she did and constantly complains about. I don't know how to impress upon her how ridiculous it is for her to attack me, when I am creatively satisfied in a massive way, have a clear career goal and direction, have become a straight A student basically overnight, and STILL maintain my interests and hobbies while juggling three bands and working in the process. When she says this kind of shit to me, I just don't know how to respond, I am so offended by her attitude.

Ultimately, you may ask after reading this - why have you stuck around for this long? Because I love her despite all this and hold out hope that things will eventually change for the better. I was a bit of a mess in my late teens and early twenties, which is exactly what led me to take so long getting my shit together in the first place - as a result, I am much better off now than I would have been if I forced myself into some bullshit. I am an optimist and I can't help but want to hold out for her to get a firmer handle on her life direction and learn how to treat others in relationships or otherwise. I see the potential for an awesome person in her and want to help her be happy. All sense and reason is telling me to walk away, but hey, who ever listens to that part of themselves in these sorts of situations? Fuck.

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16 Dec 2013, 16:45
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
She almost sounds bi-polar.

I don't know what to say man but I don't know if trying to stay the course and hope "things get better" is a good idea. How long have you been going out with her?


16 Dec 2013, 16:54
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Uuuuugh! Bro, I know exactly where you're coming from. I dealt with a real similar toxic relationship ages ago that left me couch surfing/homeless for awhile, and not just broke, but even further in debt thanks to some nasty extortion and lies (almost got my ass handed to me by some needle-dicked pig with a badge because she lied to the cops. There's that, too). I'm not telling you anything you don't already know: that shit is toxic, she's abusing you, and it's time to get the fuck out of dodge. Hopefully shit bounces back soon for ya, duder.

And thanks to everybody who replied to my bitching earlier. I hate bitching about shit to the extent that I did, but that really needed to get out. The joys of this kind of thing is that you can totally see the logic and reason right in front of you, but it still doesn't quite stick. Depression is a nasty, nasty piece of business. Thankfully I can be straight up about it here, because at least a few people around these parts know exactly what I'm talking about. Trying to talk about this shit with most people is a lost cause, because they just don't understand how depression works. "Just cheer up! Decide to be happy!" doesn't really apply when your brain flat out won't allow it. The only thing to really do is dig my heels in, make sure I'm getting my work done (and done well), and hopefully this passes. I will say this: it's so fucking bizarre how moods can swing so far back and forth. Totally on top of the world one day, and the next you can't even get up to go for a smoke because you're just too mentally exhausted. The plus side? This gives me carte blanche to mock the fuck out of the emo scene. You think you got problems? Kid, you have no clue :lol:

Thanks for listening to my whining, all. It's appreciated.

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16 Dec 2013, 17:01
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
What Exorcist said. She's never going to get better and you're going to keep suffering until you realize that she's a black hole of misery with a nice rack.


16 Dec 2013, 17:08
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Exorcist wrote:
Uuuuugh! Bro, I know exactly where you're coming from. I dealt with a real similar toxic relationship ages ago that left me couch surfing/homeless for awhile, and not just broke, but even further in debt thanks to some nasty extortion and lies (almost got my ass handed to me by some needle-dicked pig with a badge because she lied to the cops. There's that, too). I'm not telling you anything you don't already know: that shit is toxic, she's abusing you, and it's time to get the fuck out of dodge. Hopefully shit bounces back soon for ya, duder.

And thanks to everybody who replied to my bitching earlier. I hate bitching about shit to the extent that I did, but that really needed to get out. The joys of this kind of thing is that you can totally see the logic and reason right in front of you, but it still doesn't quite stick. Depression is a nasty, nasty piece of business. Thankfully I can be straight up about it here, because at least a few people around these parts know exactly what I'm talking about. Trying to talk about this shit with most people is a lost cause, because they just don't understand how depression works. "Just cheer up! Decide to be happy!" doesn't really apply when your brain flat out won't allow it. The only thing to really do is dig my heels in, make sure I'm getting my work done (and done well), and hopefully this passes. I will say this: it's so fucking bizarre how moods can swing so far back and forth. Totally on top of the world one day, and the next you can't even get up to go for a smoke because you're just too mentally exhausted. The plus side? This gives me carte blanche to mock the fuck out of the emo scene. You think you got problems? Kid, you have no clue :lol:

Thanks for listening to my whining, all. It's appreciated.


Real talk, dude. I suggested a "break" so we can figure out what the deal is, cause this is just driving me wild and she seems to be at the edge of a complete breakdown. I am going to give this some serious thought over the next little bit I guess. It's just a shame that our anniversary is in two weeks and it looks as though there will be no celebration. I am super bummed.

As far as depression goes... I've often wondered if I clinically qualify. There have been times in my life where I've felt fucking awful. I've noticed in the last few years I've been able to manage it better, but it still often feels like something is trying to claw out deep inside and I'm only temporarily satiating it through focusing as much as I can on the positive things. For what it's worth, I know how it feels to feel really, really shitty about yourself and the world.

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16 Dec 2013, 17:16
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Hey dude, old dudes shouldn't do anything other than turn young chicks out. That's bible, family. This will never be right, cut your losses and find someone that wants to love you for all your bullshit, someone that's your age and someone who likes herself. I'm really sorry for the blunt words, but this is dead.

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16 Dec 2013, 17:19
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Rocky Dennis wrote:
Hey dude, old dudes shouldn't do anything other than turn young chicks out. That's bible, family. This will never be right, cut your losses and find someone that wants to love you for all your bullshit, someone that's your age and someone who likes herself. I'm really sorry for the blunt words, but this is dead.


What she said.

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16 Dec 2013, 17:21
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
ingenting wrote:
I am dating someone considerably younger than me who has a lot of difficulty treating me with maturity and respect sometimes. I pretty much prioritize her over anything, and very much aim to make her as happy as I can, but it seems like nothing is ever good enough for her.


If she isn't respectful to you, then she is simply taking advantage of you. This part of your post alone makes me think that you just need to get away from her forever. Don't do anything stupid like have a kid with or marry someone like this.


Also, age and life experience have nothing to do with it. I know some 19 year olds who are more mature and have more wisdom than some 40 year olds who think they have more "life experience" because they've lived in other countries (or some other bullshit). Your girl sounds like she thinks she's Paris fucking Hilton.

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As a true metalhead for almost 30 years, my patience for goofballs of your ilk has become dangerously low...You have no clue what heavy metal is and need to shoot yourself in the face.


16 Dec 2013, 17:29
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
The solution here isn't pleasant, but it's obvious.

It may seem seem like you'll never find somebody you care about like that, but affection has a way of finding us. And to be frank you sound absurdly busy, I question how a relationship fits in with all that other shit. There's more to life than pairing up and doing the happily ever after thing.

It doesn't sound like she's ready for a relationship with anyone, much less someone better put together than herself.

There's some cud, hope it's worth chewing.

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16 Dec 2013, 17:32
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Blackjebus wrote:
Also, age and life experience have nothing to do with it. I know some 19 year olds who are more mature and have more wisdom than some 40 year olds who think they have more "life experience" because they've lived in other countries (or some other bullshit).

You're talking about the exception, not the rule. Old dudes fall hard to young chicks. THISISKNOWN.

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16 Dec 2013, 17:35
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
ingenting wrote:

Ultimately, you may ask after reading this - why have you stuck around for this long?


i was.
ingenting wrote:
Because I love her despite all this and hold out hope that things will eventually change for the better.

I hate to say this but i dont think it will. This isn't the first abusive woman you've loved.

ingenting wrote:
I was a bit of a mess in my late teens and early twenties, which is exactly what led me to take so long getting my shit together in the first place - as a result, I am much better off now than I would have been if I forced myself into some bullshit. I am an optimist and I can't help but want to hold out for her to get a firmer handle on her life direction and learn how to treat others in relationships or otherwise.

if someone you'd been dating had stuck with you through all your ups and downs, you probably wouldnt have grown through them as much as you did. a big part of learning how to treat someone in a relationship is someone putting their foot down and kicking you to the curb when your beaviour, as itsounds like your lady's is, is unacceptable.


ingenting wrote:
I see the potential for an awesome person in her and want to help her be happy. All sense and reason is telling me to walk away, but hey, who ever listens to that part of themselves in these sorts of situations? Fuck.


It's rough to see how great someone could be if they JUST grew up/quit heroin/stopped being mean to you/had a different figure/were a bit smarter/didnt drink so much/were more stable/or were different in any number of ways. but if you're banking on who they could be and not who they are, that's not "having faith in them" it's called "being in love with somebody who doesnt exist" and it's especially dangrous for people like you who are passionate, giving, and have really intense imaginations.

we'll talk more later, but nobody deserves to be treated the way it sounds like this girl is treating you.

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16 Dec 2013, 18:20
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
My evil, and incredibly wonderful, lady cat passed away.
In her prime, she was chasing dogs out of the yard, and attacking questionable people. She was so awesome, like a guard cat. She also gave the best cuddles, and would purr and roll around when you approached her (if she liked you, of course :lol: ). She was my Princess Zoey, and was always so nice with me. I remember when my parents brought her home when I was 12 or so... my mom hid Zoey in her purse when they came in the house. When her tiny black face popped out of the bag I nearly died... SHE WAS SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE.

She was very clearly on her way out, and in a way I am happy because she isn't suffering any more, but I am going to miss cuddling her and hearing about her hate for someone who came over to the house <3

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16 Dec 2013, 18:21
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Ingenting, the main problem that I see is that she is trying to change and manipulate you. I had a friend go through divorce after 10 years of marriage last year, and another one is in the middle of it now after about the same length of time. The main issue with both of those relationships, and it’s one that was easy to see as an outsider, is that those girls wanted to change the guys that they married, and mold them into what they wanted in a husband.

The stuff that you are talking about in your post is the exact stuff that reared it’s head early on for both of my friends, but they loved these women and pressed on. Eventually they changed enough to allow things to setting into sort of a numb, antisocial status quo. Both guys would buck just enough to maintain their friendships, with every outing turning into another battle. I am talking about bullshit stuff too, like going to a show or just going over to your friend’s house for a few beers. These guys are good dudes, and were never up to anything that would cause tension in a healthy relationship.

You are gambling here and the deck is stacked against you. This girl might grow up if she lives a little bit more, but that isn’t going to happen as long as she is allowed to maintain this dysfunctional relationships with you. You need to sever ties, and let her go. That’s the only way that she is going to learn anything from any of this, and while you might not be around to see the results, you will also avoid trapping yourself in your own dysfunctional hell.


16 Dec 2013, 18:28
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Kerrie wrote:
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RIP, feline. You're made of tougher stuff than me, Kerrie. :cheers:

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16 Dec 2013, 18:59
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
She sounds like the kind of girl who in ten years you'll drive yourself crazy trying to remember what you ever found appealing about her.

Holy shit, she's Michelle!

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16 Dec 2013, 20:26
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Tyrannorabbit wrote:
She sounds like the kind of girl who in ten years you'll drive yourself crazy trying to remember what you ever found appealing about her.

Holy shit, she's Michelle!


Everybody has a Michelle in their past. My Michelle was an Amanda :lol:

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16 Dec 2013, 20:27
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Exorcist wrote:
Tyrannorabbit wrote:
She sounds like the kind of girl who in ten years you'll drive yourself crazy trying to remember what you ever found appealing about her.

Holy shit, she's Michelle!


Everybody has a Michelle in their past. My Michelle was an Amanda :lol:


My Michelle was a Kim. :puke:

(side note: my wife's name is Michelle :lol: )

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16 Dec 2013, 20:33
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Exorcist wrote:
Tyrannorabbit wrote:
She sounds like the kind of girl who in ten years you'll drive yourself crazy trying to remember what you ever found appealing about her.

Holy shit, she's Michelle!


Everybody has a Michelle in their past. My Michelle was an Amanda :lol:

My Michelle was a Katie. :sick:

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16 Dec 2013, 21:39
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Exorcist wrote:
Now, the best part? My doctor's suggestion is to go exercise. Man... fuck you :lol: There's a great cosmic joke in all of this, but I'll be damned if I can figure it out. All I know is that after six months, I should be feeling better than when everything went to shit - not significantly worse. Even going out and banging randoms is essentially dull, and I should be loving that shit. I've said it before, but it's still very true: I absolutely can't wait until this miserable December-February stretch is over and done. Dealing with depression mixed with losing someone who really did feel like my proverbial other half is an ugly, ugly mix.



I have no advice to give except this:
Hang in there - eventually, you just go numb.

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16 Dec 2013, 22:22
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Ingenting. I personally think you spend too much time over-analyzing relationships. In the "big picture" it comes down to one simple question. Are you getting out what you're putting in? If not, than walk the fuck away. Just my 2 cents.


17 Dec 2013, 00:04
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
Blackjebus wrote:
Exorcist wrote:
Women who piss and moan about advertising setting unrealistic expectations for women/being exploitative, but who also see zero issue with how advertising for men does the exact same thing.


With those women, I ask them why it's OK for the male characters on TV sitcoms to always be portrayed as complete idiots and the butt-end of all the jokes, and the women are always the smart and reasonable ones. Then I demand fairness because men are not stupider than women.

Even in those cases, the stupid, bumbling male is generally the protagonist and he always comes out on top. His wife's objections to his idiocy are seen as challenges to be overcome and she always relents or forgives eventually, even when she's in the right.

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17 Dec 2013, 00:40
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
ArckAngeLL wrote:
yeah no shit bro you need the sex now, did you call that escort already or not :)

and exercice is key, your doctor is a wise man, seems like the shittiest thing in the world considering you say only have energy to work, and cant even sleep, but exercice will clear your mind and allow you to sleep. With sleep in the bank, your appetite will better, which will then brings more energy, etc... the wheel will be turning again, not you're just laying low on neutral and numbing your brain and body to the core.

the brain-grinding, dopesmoking booze drinking no sleep shit is a spiral thing, it only brings more grinding, more numbing, and more depression, you're just bathing in your own self-deprecating patheticness. That's fine to mope for a while, and I'm all for decadency, but moping should be short term.

Gotta break the cycle my man, kill yourself on the treadmill or outside you'll then sleep like a baby and then you'll eat like a champ and don't smoke for a day or 2. See yourself rise like a tough motherfucker with glorious boner on day 3 and fuck some pussy hard and feel good about this awesome thing that is life.

PS. Doing exercice does not mean benching or lifting weights. It does not mean following advices from Numberguy. It just means doing cardio and letting those endorphins take over. If you have energy to watch porn or play PS4 you have the energy to go out there jogging. You can watch porn after

it does sound ridiculous but exercise, just getting your blood flowing and doing stuff that's cornily "good for you" actually is REALLY GOOD FOR YOU when you're in a slump. just pouring liquor on your problems is a shitty way to deal with them long term. you need to clear your head, not cloud it more. it's amazing what a little healthy exertion will do for your mental and emotional state.

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17 Dec 2013, 00:45
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
robofist wrote:
Blackjebus wrote:

With those women, I ask them why it's OK for the male characters on TV sitcoms to always be portrayed as complete idiots and the butt-end of all the jokes, and the women are always the smart and reasonable ones. Then I demand fairness because men are not stupider than women.

Even in those cases, the stupid, bumbling male is generally the protagonist and he always comes out on top. His wife's objections to his idiocy are seen as challenges to be overcome and she always relents or forgives eventually, even when she's in the right.



Or they're the Bundys, so it's a moot point.

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17 Dec 2013, 02:18
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Post Re: HATRED-FUELED HATE OF HATEFUL THINGS
ingenting wrote:
Please excuse the length of this post.

I am dating someone considerably younger than me who has a lot of difficulty treating me with maturity and respect sometimes. I pretty much prioritize her over anything, and very much aim to make her as happy as I can, but it seems like nothing is ever good enough for her. ... Meanwhile, she is often very cruel and malicious to me, insults me, criticizes my life choices, makes me out to feel like a failure, lambasts me alone AND in front of others, and is wildly hypocritical at times. She'll get mad about me being affectionate with her, but whenever we are at social gatherings she gets very touchy feely with me and expects me to lavish attention upon her and ignore everyone else.

On top of all this... as I said, she's pretty young. She has not really had much experience in relationships. I have a feeling her impression of what a relationship is supposed to be is based largely in fiction. She'll cycle through all this fucked up, unreasonable behaviour, and then say things like "I don't deserve you, why don't you just dump me, etc." and apologize to me, then do the same shit again.

Here is the real doozy... I am back in school now, and barely able to support myself with part-time work. I have lived an unconventional life, so to speak, leaving high school, working and doing music journalism, and focusing on creative endeavours. I do not regret any of this. It is what has brought me to the position where I have a somewhat clear idea of the direction I want to go, and without my life experience, I would not be here.

... I don't know how to impress upon her how ridiculous it is for her to attack me, when I am creatively satisfied in a massive way, have a clear career goal and direction, have become a straight A student basically overnight, and STILL maintain my interests and hobbies while juggling three bands and working in the process. When she says this kind of shit to me, I just don't know how to respond, I am so offended by her attitude.

Ultimately, you may ask after reading this - why have you stuck around for this long? Because I love her despite all this and hold out hope that things will eventually change for the better. ... All sense and reason is telling me to walk away, but hey, who ever listens to that part of themselves in these sorts of situations? Fuck.


Nobody listens to that side of themselves, it's true.
I'm the worst sort of advice-giver on this subject, but since others have put in their 2 cents worth, here's mine too...

If you think she's someone shallow or narcissistic or materialistic - etc. (focusing on the money, the success, the prestige, etc. which she thinks her man should have, to reflect on her), and if this is not the sort of guy you're going to be, tell her to go find some stockbroker or real estate agent or someone else who can lead her to that life.

If she is genuinely messed up in the head, like she has some "daddy issues" or if she's genuinely bipolar or something, that's tough as hell to deal with - but also the thing you've got to understand is that your own instincts to make her happy or save her are probably working against you, and you're just going to endure a lot of irrational abuse or even deceit, without anything to show for it. Maybe the "I don't deserve you, you should dump me" stuff is her actually trying to dump you, but she's not willing to actually do the deed herself.

In any case, don't stay if you are totally miserable, or wait until the day you find she's resorted to cheating on you or something. If there is already deceit or disrespect, if you find you have to constantly justify being the kind of man you are, then I doubt she will ever be satisfied. You seem to have your other aspects of life well in order, at least by your own standards.

The thing is, you can bend over backwards to try to make her happy, you can sacrifice every ounce of feeling and energy in you, and even protect your girl against every foe that comes along, and you still end up as the villain despite it all. It may be senseless and arbitrary and really frost your ass to think you're being painted that way, but it is all too common.

_________________
"The truth is unpleasant and therefore unpopular."


17 Dec 2013, 03:49
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